


“And If you die, I feel like that’s on me.”

by Thunderfire69



Series: Tony Stark, a mentor? More like a father in disguise. [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming, The Avengers (Mavel)
Genre: And I physically hurt Peter, But also a fix-it, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, I always hurt Peter because he seems more likely to get hurt, If you want Stony to be there it’s there’s I guess, Infinity War: Part One (Compliant), I’m so sorry I hurt Tony for six whole days in this fic, Mourning, Oh there’s a part two, Other, Sleep Deprivation, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony drinks an excessive amount of coffee, Tony has nightmares, Where I hurt Tony again, and you can’t tell me otherwise, so he blames himself for everything, tony is such a dad, uh Infinity War spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 02:40:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14946053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunderfire69/pseuds/Thunderfire69
Summary: “If you die, I feel like that’s on me.”Tony regretted that sentence. More than anything.It had been spoken so, so long ago, yet he regretted it more than anything.And it was on him.The kid had died, and it was his fault.-OR-Tony reverses what Thanos did, but the kid doesn’t come back- or does he?





	1. “And if you die, I feel like that’s on me.”- Part one!

_ “If you die, I feel like that’s on me.” _

 

Tony regretted that sentence. More than anything.

 

It had been spoken so, so long ago, yet he regretted it more than anything.

 

And it  _ was  _ on him.

 

The kid had died, and it was  _ his  _ fault.

 

But now, now he had the chance to fix it.

 

And he was going to do just that.

 

Taking a shaky breath, Tony lifted the hand with Thanos’ gauntlet on it. 

 

He closed his eyes, exhaled, and then snapped his fingers.

 

A burning sensation shot through his arm, and Tony dropped the gauntlet with a yelp.

 

He didn’t take the time to check his arm for injuries, though, as he’d already noticed the people beginning to reform from the dust.

 

Immediately, Tony’s gaze was searching the crowd, scanning for even a glimpse of that oh-so-annoying kid.

 

As the seconds stretched into minutes, doubt began to creep into Tony’s mind.

 

The minutes became hours, and Tony’s optimism was failing.

 

Soon, he was the only one out on the streets, standing alone. 

 

Slowly, dejected, Tony forced himself to move, forced himself to walk towards the Compound.

 

Of  _ course  _ Peter would be the only one who wouldn’t make it back.

 

Of  _ course  _ it had to be the kid.

 

It had to be  _ his  _ kid.

 

Tony blinked back the burning sensation in his eyes, blinking back the tears.

 

He forced back the sob that was rising in his throat, and forced his shaking hands to still.

 

He set his sights on the compound, and his nanotech armour slid into place. The flight boosters burst into life and Tony was soon landing at the entry to the compound.

 

_ The last time he’d been here, he’d had hopes of saving Peter. _

 

The thought made his freeze, just for a second, before he forced himself to walk forwards. His nanotech armour was rapidly folding back into his arc-reactor as he crossed the threshold, sucking in a breath.

 

The Compound was unusually quiet.

 

The other Avengers were probably out celebrating the return of their loved ones.

 

And yet here was Tony, alone and feeling like someone had tried to stab him with a blunt knife.

 

He made his way over to the kitchen table, sinking into a chair and letting his head flop forwards into his hands.

 

Silent tears made their way down his face, and his fingers pulled at his hair in anguish.

 

_ Why him? Out of everyone, why did it have to be him? _

 

Tony let his forehead touch the tabletop, twisting his fingers around his hair as he cried.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, but it was definitely late when he made his way up to his room, feeling stiff and lifeless.

 

For hours he laid in bed, unable to sleep. Thoughts plagued his head, keeping him from resting.

 

When he heard the other Avengers arrive back, laughing and shouting, Tony simply rolled over in the bed and faked sleep until he knew they were in their own rooms.

 

Tony finally fell asleep at about 3am, only to wake again at the crack of dawn, sweat coating his brow as he jerked out of a dream of  _ that  _ day on Titan, of the pleading voice of  _ his  _ kid. 

 

Barely finding any comfort from the dream apart from the fact that it’s over, Tony pushed himself up and out of bed, forcing himself to move down into the kitchen.

 

He didn’t eat, though; merely got a cup of coffee and retreated into the lab for the rest of the day.

 

This cycle continued for 5 more days.

 

That’s when the other Avengers finally began to notice the bags under Tony’s eyes, how thin his frame looked and how his hands were shaking all the time.

 

It was Steve who made the connection.

 

Tony was down in the lab when a knock on the door forced him out of his work.

 

This annoyed Tony. Work was the only distraction he had from the pain.

 

“Tony? I know you’re in there! Now come out before I have to break down the door.” Steve’s tone drifted through the door and Tony sighed.

 

“FRIDAY, open the door.”

 

Instead of Steve Rogers walking in, however, all Tony heard was a final sentence from Steve, “It took me  _ forever  _ to convince his aunt, be grateful!”, and then in walked someone in a Spidey suit.

 

“Alright, who’s grand idea was this?” Tony said bitterly. “Who decided it was a good time to prank me?”

 

“No no, it’s not a prank Mr Stark!” The familiar voice reached his ears, but Tony refused to let hope in, even for a moment. Instead, he turned back to his project.

 

“I swear it’s not!” A sound like cloth falling to the floor was heard, and Tony let out a sigh before turning around to humour whoever was behind him.

 

What he saw made his whole body tremble.

 

“Kid?” The word was barely more than a whisper.

 

Peter,  _ his kid _ , took the few steps to Tony’s side.

 

“Yeah. It’s me.” 

 

Almost immediately Tony was pulling Peter into his arms, and the kid hugged him back without hesitation.

 

Fresh tears were running down Tony’s face, and he was trembling, but this time it was from  _ joy  _ and  _ relief. _

 

“Oh my god, Peter,” he got out between sobs. “ _ Oh my god. _ ”

 

“It’s okay, Mr Stark, I’m here.”

 

“Please, kid, stop it with the Mr Stark crap,” Tony said with a watery grin. “Call me Tony, okay? You’re making me feel old.”

 

Peter laughed, and Tony wished he could preserve the sound forever. 

 

_ Shit, kid. What have you done to me? You’re making me go soft,  _ he thought fondly.

 

“Sorry I didn’t come and see you sooner, Mr St- Tony, but May was kinda clingy and-”

 

“Don’t worry about it, kid,” Tony cut him off. “You’re here now.”

 

“Yeah, well, it only took Cap barging into my house and telling May you looked like crap to let me come here.” Peter’s tone was light, but Tony could hear the underlying meaning to the kid’s words.

 

“I’m fine, kid. Well, I am now that I know you’re okay.”

 

Peter’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure?”

 

“Positive.” Tony wanted to reach up a hand and ruffle Peter’s hair, but he couldn’t, as he was too busy clinging onto the poor kid like a lifeline.

 

“You don’t seem fine.”

 

“Kid, you were  _ dead _ . You try coming back from that.” Tony hadn’t meant to let any harshness into his tone, but it somehow happened anyway. Peter pulled away from him so he could look Tony in the face.

 

“Tony, I’m  _ here _ , okay?” 

 

Tony let out a shaky breath. “Yeah, yeah I know.”

 

“And I’m not going anywhere. You know that.”

 

For once, Tony couldn’t bring himself to make some smart remark about him being the adult, not Peter, so he should be the one doing the comforting. Instead, he just nodded, and exhaled.

 

“Yeah. I know.” And then Tony was shakily pulling Peter in for another hug. “It’s officially illegal for you to do something like that  _ ever  _ again.”

 

“Well, technically-”

 

“ _ Illegal, _ Peter, illegal.”

 

“Alright, Fine, I won’t. Jesus, next thing you’ll be banning words from my vocabulary.” Peter rolled his eyes at his mentor.

 

“You just reminded me, kid. It’s illegal for you to say “I don’t feel so good.””

 

“But what if-”

 

“ _ Even if you’re chucking your guts up, it’s illegal. _ ” Tony’s tone was light and joking, but he would give  _ anything  _ to never hear those words again.

 

“Alright, Fine,” Peter shot back. “But since when were you the president?”

 

“Since you  _ died  _ on me.” Tony slightly tightened his grip on the kid. “Next time, stay home.”

 

“Yeah, I will,” Peter promised. “And it still smells like a new car in this suit.”


	2. “If you die, I feel like that’s on me.”- Part Two!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two fuckers. Kill me, sue me, whatever.

Tony felt like he was drowning.

 

His kid had been  _ back _ , and everything had been fine for those few months, those few, perfect months.

 

But now he could be gone again.

 

Tony could lose him  _ again. _

 

Tony’s eyelids slowly began to close, Peter’s still, limp hand still clasped in his as he fell asleep at the bedside of his injured kid.

 

_ “I’ve got this, Mr Stark!” Peter swung by on a web to knock aside another of the gunmen, webbing him up as he went. _

 

_ “Peter, get out of there!” Worry overtook Tony, and he didn’t even think to correct Peter for calling him Mr Stark again. _

 

_ “I’ve got this under control!” Peter took out another gunman, and Tony’s worry just grew. He  _ knew  _ something was going to go wrong. _

 

_ “Peter! Get out of-” Tony was cut off as an explosion split the air, sending Peter flying.  _

 

_ Ignoring the fleeing criminals, Tony flew straight over to his kid. _

 

_ “Peter! Peter, wake up! Peter!” _

 

Then Tony was bolting upright, breathing heavily as he jerked awake.

 

He’d dreamed of what had happened  _ again. _

 

Peter’s still limp hand was grasped firmly, tightly in Tony’s, and the steady beeping of the heart monitor told Tony that Peter was still alive.

 

In a coma, but  _ alive _ .

 

Tony dropped his head into his free hand, rubbing at his face.

 

_ What did Peter ever do to deserve this? _

 

Tony’s breath hitched as he remembered how much blood there’d been-  _ too much. _

 

A stray tear forced its way past his resolve, and Tony hastily wiped it away, then focused his gaze on the kid again.

 

He looked almost peaceful, like he was resting. Tony could believe that, if it weren’t for the bandages, ivs, casts and the constant beeping of the heart monitor.

 

Thanks to Peter’s advanced healing, he had a higher chance of survival than the average person.

 

Still, a nagging voice in Tony’s mind told him Peter wouldn’t make it, that he wouldn’t wake up.

 

That Tony would never hold his kid in his arms again.

 

That Tony would never hear another of Peter’s stupid jokes.

 

That Tony would never-

 

Peter’s fingers twitched.

 

Tony was  _ sure  _ of it.

 

“Peter?” Tony’s voice was quiet, and he dared not let any hope into it.

 

The kid’s face shifted a bit, mouth twitching.

 

After a few moments, his eyes shot open.

 

“Tony?” Peter blinked, looking as though he was trying to focus. “Tony? Tony!”

 

“I’m here, kiddo, I’m here,” Tony said, quickly and softly, giving Peter’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m here.”

 

“Tony!” Peter calling out for his mentor seemed to shatter Tony’s heart, and he quickly got up and moved right up next to Peter.

 

“Pete, I’m here. I’m here.”

 

The boy’s eyes flicked around the room before landing on Tony’s face, and when they did, Peter visibly relaxed.

 

“Tony.” Peter sluggishly stretched a hand towards him, and Tony leaned down closer to the kid.

 

“You’re okay, Pete. You’re okay.” Tony ran his hand through Peter’s hair, and then realised that his hands were shaking. He forced his hands to stop shaking, forced them to be still and steady as he continued to card his hands through Peter’s hair.

 

“I’m… okay…” Peter said slowly, seeming to struggle to get each word out.

 

“That’s right. You’re okay.” Tony fought to keep his voice steady. “But don’t  _ ever _ do that again. You scared me to death.”

 

“You’re not… dead…” Peter slowly said, a small smile playing across his lips.

 

“I should’ve known you’d be making jokes as soon as you were awake again,” Tony said with a sigh, but he was smiling too. “Anyway, I recall you saying you weren’t going anywhere. You nearly had a one-way trip to the underworld.”

 

“Did you… just… reference… Greek mythology… or Percy… Jackson?”

 

“Both.” Tony leans down to press a kiss to Peter’s hairline. “Get some rest.”

 

“Not… tired…” Peter protested, but then yawned, ruining his argument.

 

“Sleep, kiddo. I’m not going anywhere.” Tony really,  _ really _ wanted to hug the shit out of this kid, but he was too mindful of Peter’s injures to do so.

 

“Okay…” Peter yawned again, then shifted his head to rest it on Tony’s arm. Tony’s breath hitched for a second, before he started to card his free hand through Peter’s hand again.

 

“Sleep well, kid,” Tony said quietly, barely above a whisper. “Love you, kid.”

 

He was almost sure Peter was asleep, until a quiet “Love you too, dad,” met his ears, making warmth flare in his chest.

 

He leant down, pressed another kiss to Peter’s forehead, then leaned back in his chair to watch his kid’s peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I swear I’m done hurting Tony for now, okay?  
> I’m nearly finished a Spideypool oneshot, so expect that.  
> And then... well, I have a few Irondad and Spiderson oneshot ideas, but requests/suggestions are always welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry Tony I really do love you and when I love my boys I hurt them


End file.
